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Workin’ Out The Kinks

August 16, 2010

Really?! It’s THAT hard to post on your blog regularly???? I’m hoping that this blog-thang is just still so new and I’ll be posting/journaling away on a regular basis one day. Sheesh. I follow others’ blogs & I really get anxious when they don’t post daily! These, BTW, are peeps who write well, have things of significance to impart, have a routine. They are not newbie ramblers like me. BUT…I’m really okay with where I’m at right now. My blogging efforts were really intended for me to talk to someone on a regular basis. Ugh. That sounds kind of sucky. I don’t have health insurance right now, therefore I don’t have coverage to see a counselor-person, I don’t have the cash to do so either, I pretty much already know what my few friends I’d confide in would say (& I reallllly don’t want to be driven or held accountable by someone who gives me advice because I may not agree with their advice–I may just want someone to L-I-S-T-E-N, to hear me. Me. Hear. Me. Understand. Me.).

One day (queue ethereal music) I will have a professional blog promoting my activities that I pursue for financial gain. I will be a master blogger by then. Now, I am a rambling fool. Nice to meet you. 🙂

Thank you, new friends (I call so few people my friends, and I appreciate your loving support *twinkle smile*) for your comments. I am muddling. I do think I need to put some $$ aside to talk with someone face-to-face to help me determine a path to choose, ‘cuz really right now it’s a hamster wheel. I’ll keep you posted on my decisions in that regard.

So, reestablishing my footing manana. I ate like crap for the past few (several? what’s the qualifier?) days because…I didn’t feel like being responsible for one more freakin’ thing. So instead of Green Monsters and Steel Cut Oats with chopped fruit, sandwiches of hummus on Ezekial bread with shredded carrot and sprouts and spinach, I’ll take Golden Grahams, please. With cow’s milk. Two bowls. And munchkins. But really I feel like crap from it. Really. (Totally flares up my muscle pain and tanks my moods and stresses my patience. It’s a privilege for me to eat well, to know how to quickly whip up Lemon Artichoke Hummus, to prepare  Vegan Overnight Oats, to commune with people who are an encouragement to nourish the body (and mind and spirit). So, back to making the choices that I truly want to make…for me.

I have been mindful of The August Break.That means it’s been in my thoughts–in my mind. Not necessarily through my camera. …sigh…

Jamison has moved on to the next level. It’s obvious. It’s exciting. It’s bittersweet. He’s been so creative with his Lego’s and he’s taken such pride in executing his ideas himself! (His swimming, BTW, is incredible! He really feels such pride when he does things well. Note to self: Gonna have to make sure to reach him pride due to genuine effort, too, not just due to results.

I read a post somewhere about choosing adornments, directing energies, planning how to present yourself to the world…and I realized I was wearing two different socks. Hm. I could choose to interpret that as not giving care to how I present myself, or I could choose to believe that I don’t make big issues out of insignificant things. I’ll go with the latter. That’s my story & I’m stickin’ to it.

And this is my brother’s pool. My little brother. I’m really happy for him–he married a gal he fell madly in love with (after a hurtful divorce and five years of being single and pretty lonely), got the job he wanted-although it’s very stressful he enjoys it, my sister-in-law got the job she wanted-ditto on the stress, they sold the house she & the kids lived in with her ex-husband, they bought a beautiful house, put in a fabulous pool and are enjoying life. I am in no way jealous, h-o-w-e-v-e-r it reminds me that I could have made better decisions and now I, too,would be living in house with 4 bedrms/3 bathrms, great room, living room, dining room, Wii room (their bonus room), big yard, pool… Good for him, them. I hope they take a breath and enjoy what they’re working for. Wishing everyone a positive day! Accept ownership of all that is available today! Do you have a wish for yourself today. My wish for all of us is peace. Yep. That’s a good one! 🙂

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 17, 2010 2:31 am

    I think we are all muddling in one way or another, and I am glad that you have a place to work it all out now 🙂 That pool looks divine. I AM totally jealous of THAT! My wish for you is that same peace, and that you have some time for joy tonight and tomorrow as well.

  2. August 18, 2010 2:23 pm

    Okay, forgive me. I totally read this and then forgot to comment. That’s the problem with reading with a feed reader…I get distracted and forget to click over.

    Mmmm…healthy eating. I always struggle with this. I mean, I try to keep big offenders out of the house (ice cream, chips, cookies) and work to make good choices. Fast food is my kryptonite. We eat pretty healthy at home but we could always do better! You should share some of your favorite healthy recipes. Are your boys good eaters? Thomas eats good things but has a limited scope of what he WILL eat. And I am kinda freaking out, because his lunch time staple (PB sandwich, on whole wheat, always) is not allowed at his new preschool. He doesn’t eat meat (except bacon). I’m thinking, cheese sandwich?

    I so know what it feels like to see other people in beautiful homes and feel like…man, what have I been doing with my life? One day I drove out across the reservoir (we live very close to a huge reservoir) where of course there are beautiful homes that are tons of money. I know people who live in these homes! I suffered from a moment of crushing house envy, but then I realized: I don’t want to live in a big-ass house. This is not my dream. Having a pool or living on a reservoir would cause me untold amounts of anxiety. I had to kick myself in the butt and not let myself sink into envy. But still, believe me, I know the feeling!

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